“Now it all looks just like that: I was running from one disaster and ran into another disaster. I felt that I was falling to the bottom, the speed was unreal. There was no feeling of fear, I remember that well. There was this feeling, that I was no longer alive. Then, I remember it as if it was now, I was sitting on the floor and I couldn’t stand up. Inside there was emptiness, it was only that empty for me during my mother’s funeral. I was in shock, the shock was mixed in with a tremendous desire to kill everybody. To me the hatred was mixed up for everybody and for myself. With every new instance I felt, that I hate myself more than those, who were fucking me, and the further it went, the more I hated myself. The one desire I had was to die as quickly as possible.”